I Have Proof

…that my first drafts are so terrible, they should never see the light of day.

Amongst other, more constructive comments, these were the points raised upon receiving back the first draft of the Vampire’s Son, all totally professional, of course (obviously, I’ve tried to avoid any points that would ruin the story):

About Fox’s first feed:
pg24. okay, are they in a moderator bar? why would they be there? rogues are not allowed…

pg.30 have we can some older looking vampires please all of them are bloody teenagers

pg32. i swear to god, pick better names or i’m going to beat you with a stick!!!

pg65. vincent is a bitchy queen…

pg103. how many people does she think are called fox, the silly bint.

Fox’s first visit to the Clan (bear in mind he’s never met any of the Clan members before this point, including the doormen):
pg107. change the bit where fox enters the bank. the doormen are spazzes. “you’re leaving it a little late, oh you’re here on business… complete stranger we know nothing about and don’t know if you’re armed but you must be telling the truth, please, come in and kill everyone inside. We’re that good doormen. In you go, then…”

pg109. oh yeah, like now fox has seen her the only thing on his mind is to go home. yeah, right.

After Fox turns Amy:
pg156. change this please. I will give you the shorthand of this scene.
FOX: I turned you.
AMY: You bastard.
FOX: Get over it.
AMY: No, I hope you rot in hell, I hate you.
FOX: Please get over it.
AMY: Oh, okay then.

pg159. … nicholas is a fag

pg199. dude, the eyes, pick a different feature.

pg205. oh let’s not forget where louis comes into all this.

So I’m doing well so far…