It’s becoming increasingly apparent to me that, despite my talking about it and conversing with writers on a daily basis, I haven’t actually done any writing myself in months (blog posts and tweets not included, obviously!). And I’m not being dramatic there; it’s been literally months.
In fact, according to my blog (surpassed in its level of factuality only by Wikipedia and God Google), the last time I actually wrote something related to any of the VS series was in May, and even that was a one-off in an already pretty massive writing blag’ole.
I have since blamed my lack of writing (and lack of motivation to do it in the first place) on just about anything and everything in my life, including:
- A House Guest. At the start of the year, we had a guest living in our house, and since my office was the one with the spare bed, it became her room for about five/six months. My computer, meanwhile, was setup in a perfectly working condition and I could’ve easily carried on writing in the other office, but I insisted it just didn’t “feel” right. I even talked about it in my 30 Days of Writing. But then, guest left in July, and since then, I still sit at my computer back in my old room and write nothing.
- World of Warcraft. This isn’t even an excuse in itself, since I haven’t played the game for a good month or so now, and the state of my writing flow hasn’t improved one iota.
- Getting Married. Alright, this was legitimate, I think. It’s hard to concentrate on just about anything when you have just over six months to plan a wedding. If anyone had told me to do some writing in this time, I probably would’ve just laughed. And kicked them in the face. But again, I got married in August. Have I written anything since then? No.
- My MacBook. Another semi-legitimate excuse, in my opinion, because I just wasn’t in the creative mood wondering whether this boot would be the time it wouldn’t turn on anymore, although again you could argue that a “real” writer wouldn’t let something as superfluous as the wrong type of writing software stop them from producing some kind of prose. Besides, that has also been resolved, with a brand new MacBook Pro I sold my second kidney to get (having already sold my first to get the Moleskine notebook I had my eye on), which I’ve now had over a week without writing a single page.
I’m now even blaming NaNoWriMo (of all things!), claiming that I’m too busy working on my outline to focus on anything else. That’s just a big, fat lie. I wrote the outline in one big chunk a week ago, and since my only constructive action (or action, at all) has been to open and re-read it.
I can’t blame it on “writer’s block”, either, because the ideas are still in my head; sometimes I have dreams that would make perfect scenes or even short stories in themselves, if only I had the resolve to drag my carcass out of bed to write the ideas down before they fizzle away.
Not only that, but I can’t blame life in general for getting in the way. I have it much easier than a lot of the other writers I come across. I don’t have any kids that demand my attention (save for the cats, of course), and I have a job that – while stressful in moments, but whose job isn’t? – is flexible. If I put the focus onto it, I could easily fit 30 minutes of writing time or more at least into the work day. And even if I didn’t want to do that, if I wanted to keep my work and writing “worlds” separate, I could easily find the time after office hours. I don’t do anything constructive when work ends other than get lost in television and the Internet. If I just took half an hour a day, over time I could get so much done.
My attention flits back to the post I put last New Year’s Eve; I only had two resolutions (neither of which I’ve kept; pfft, healthy eating, what’s that?), the second of which was:
2/ I will attempt to write at least one weekday and for at least two hours at some point of a weekend. That sounds reasonable enough, right? I managed 50k words in 30 days for NaNo; a couple of chapters a month can’t be that far out of reach.
The bold is new. It highlights how ridiculously easy it should be.
And yes, I know writing is supposed to be a pleasurable experience and trying to force it may only serve to push me further from the desire to write at all, but since sitting back for the last few months and waiting for inspiration to strike me down hasn’t exactly worked, I have to assume that it needs some kind of intervention on my part.
I have no excuse, it’s sheer laziness, and it’s not funny anymore. I need to fix this, fix my writing schedule and entire writing life.
I need to write my way out of this blag’ole.
The term “blagole” comes from the Spoony’s review of the board/VHS game Atmosphere/Nightmare – you should check it out. The review, that is, not the game. The game was wank.